Fashion Paramedic I am Kathleen B. Lancaster. That’s my mug over there. (Funny how the best picture ever taken of me was snapped by a four-year-old.)

(And no, I am NOT trying to copy Dooce by using a “B” as my middle initial. I use that to distinguish myself from a young Hollywood starlet who happens to share the same name as me. Wouldn’t want anyone confusing me with a young, beautiful actress now, would we?)

Anyway, if I look familiar to you, it’s probably because I used to be known to the blog world as “Fashion Paramedic.” I’ve shed that name and persona, and am now here writing as Kathleen. If you must refer to me by nickname, then call me CosmoMama. Because damned if I ain’t out of this world. Or out of my mind. I haven’t figured that out yet.

I’m a working wife and mama, have been with the love of my life (a.k.a. the “LOML”) since 1994, was raised Catholic, and I tend to think myself funny, likable, and cynical. I LOVE all things 80′s, love movies and music (all types), and can make some SERIOUS Chicken Enchiladas. I love my boys (I have a 37-year-old, a 5 1/2-year-old, and an 19-month-old), but my whole life doesn’t revolve around them–I’ve got my own identity too!!

My "Boys," Benny, the LOML, and Jake.

I’m also somewhat of an expert at guesswork parenting. Most of what I’ve accomplished as a mom was the result of a perfectly executed accident. So, I’ve designated it my mission in life is to reach out to other moms in the world to show them that, yes, there is someone out there actually doing it worse than they are. Hopefully, I’ll accomplish that mission with a little bit of humor, humility, and humiliation. (I’ve got to get back at my kids somehow.)

Anyway, I mentioned that I recently made the decision to kill off my “Fashion Paramedic” character, and re-brand to Mama Needs a Cosmo.

Since the journey did not go without a fair amount of questions, comments, and curiosities, I decided to share some of them with you, in no particular order:

Q: Why’d you change your name?

A: I didn’t. I just disposed of a “persona.” I’m still the same person, I’m just not writing under the name “Fashion Paramedic” anymore.

Q: Okay. So, who are you now?

A: I am, and always will be, Kathleen B. Lancaster (unless my husband decides otherwise).

Q: So, why “Mama Needs a Cosmo”?

A: Because “Mama Needs a Cocktail” was taken. So I resorted to being more specific. I could have gone with “Mama Needs a Drink,” but I thought that sounded a little . . . universal. And I couldn’t have people thinking that I drank things like, for example, water.

Q: You seem to talk about alcohol consumption frequently. Has it ever become, you know, an “issue”?

A: Just lately. Our budget has become a little tight and I had to trade off buying diapers for my toddler to fund my Grey Goose habit. And the paper towels don’t seem to be working.

Q: What kind of parent does this make you?

A: I’m not exactly sure what you’re referring to when you say “this,” but I am sure that my consumption of alcohol can only enhance my already-animated parenting skills. I mean, it takes a certain kind of talent to think of using the cargo compartment of a baby stroller to transport drinks into a movie theater, you know? And nobody even questioned the fact that there was NO BABY in the stroller.

Q: Where’d you learn how to party?

A: Believe it or not, from my Mom. I’ve got pictures of her in a Cancun bar, at age 67, being leaned back in a wooden chair and having tequila poured down her throat by a guy dressed up as Zorro. She also taught me this poem when I was younger:

I’m not under the alcafluence of incahol
Like some thinkle peep I am
I’ve just had tee many martoonies
And the drunker I sit here
The longer I get.

(By the way, for those of you who may be searching for a “Kathy Bonilla” or “Kathleen Bonilla” who used to live in West Sacramento [a.k.a. "Broderick"] on Julian Drive, then look no further. I’m your girl from the hood, homies!)

Buh-bye, now!

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