[Scroll through the story S-L-O-W-L-Y. Try not to get a look at the picture below until you are done reading all the text!]
A couple of weeks ago, I hosted a graduation party at my house for my
sister niece. It was a fantastic affair — kids bouncing in a bounce house, plenty of food and liquor, and of course, Frank was in attendance.
Two hours in, he decided to relax on the couch and watch TV. When I sat down next to him, he turned to me and said, “You know that Steve wears a hearing aid?”
Bewildered (but I suppose not all that surprised) that he would use that as a conversation opener, I said, “Who’s ‘Steve’? Terry’s ‘Steve”? Or my brother ‘Steve’”?
Frustrated that I didn’t get it the first time, he quipped, “Your bro-therrr.”
ME: “Steve wears a hearing aid?”
FRANK: “That’s what I said.”
ME: “Nawww! Since when?”
FRANK: “Oh, I don’t know. For a while now, I guess. Big one too. It’s not one of those small pieces of shit that disappear in your ear either. It’s good size. Real nice.”
ME: “Is he wearing this hearing aid right now?”
FRANK: “Yup. Go see for yourself!”
So I went out into the backyard and zig-zaged through the maze of tables and food, and found my brother.
After he turned his head and I got a good look, I laughed so hard in his face that his sunglasses almost fell off his head. I doubled over, covered my mouth with my hand, and did the best I could from peeing my pants.
STEVE: “Jesus Kathleen, what the hell?”
ME: [Pointing to his ear] “Do you know that dad thinks THAT’S a hearing aid?”
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