Conversations With Jake: Underwear (Or, why you shouldn’t try to lie your way out of an embarrassing situation even while hiding in a bathroom stall.)

Conversations-3a-2aOkay. This could very well top what I thought to be my most embarassing moment ever with Jake (see “Black Eyed Boy and His Entourage“). I’ll let you make the call.

I keep forgetting that my first born is now a mature 6 years old. He’s usually not a deep thinker, but can pull some crazy shit out of his ass from time to time, and when that happens I just need to get out of his way and let it fly.

Here is an example of a time when I tried to throw a block instead of just letting Jake say his peace. And man, did it get FUGLY. Laugh on, my dear readers. Laugh on.

My only preface to this story is that it was laundry day, and I was wearing my “laundry day panties.” Enough said.


It was Sunday morning, and I decided to throw caution to the wind and take both Jake AND Benny to Costco.


And, as luck would have it, nature called right after we hit the checkstand. Perhaps my body’s visceral reaction to the checkout total.

Anyway, with Benny in the basket along with $287.16 worth of cargo and Jake bringing up the rear, I hit the ladies’ restroom.

While I was sitting in the stall trying to keep Benny from throwing everything that was in the cart onto the bathroom floor, Jake decided to throw me into a newer, fresher hell.

JAKE: “Mama,” he said loudly, so his voice would be heard over Benny’s screaming, “How come there’s holes in your underwear?”

This was met, of course, with several chuckles from the other ladies in the bathroom.

I felt my face get red with embarrassment, then I quickly realized that we were in the comfort of a bathroom stall, and could not be seen by anyone else. So, I attempted to save face.

ME: “Honey! Those aren’t ‘holes.’ These are called ‘lace underwear.’ They’re MEANT to have holes in them.”

AHA! Even though I WAS wearing white grannies with a few holes in the butt, no one else could see them! Right? So, no one had to know that they were really “hole-y” underwear! Right? I mean, kids could look at lace underwear and perceive them as “hole-y” underwear. Right?


Just when I thought Jake’s silence meant that his line of questioning was over, he got all philosophical on my ass. And called me out.

JAKE: “So, the white underwears that Daddy wears that has holes in them is called ‘lace’ too?”

Be Sociable, Share!


09 2009

8 Comments Add Yours ↓

The upper is the most recent comment

  1. 1

    I don’t read many posts out loud to my non-blogger husband.

    He’s still laughing.

  2. Kathleen #

    OMG, Ginny. I was SO freaked out. I mean, it was like I was “dreaming that I was naked” kind of freaked out. And I swear that there were women just hanging out at the sinks just waiting for me to exit so they could point at me and laugh. I even swore that one of them was going to try to take a picture of me with their cell phone camera. Seriously. You can’t make this shit up.

  3. 3

    OMG… It’s a good thing I swallowed my coffee before I read it. I would have been cleaning it off my monitor. The story needs a “Be sure to not be drinking anything” warning!

    The funniest thing my son (who I think had just turned 6, maybe he was 5 at the time) said was, “Papa has a penis like me, only bigger!”
    .-= Emily/Randomability´s last blog ..Thursday 13: A-M towns in IL =-.

  4. 4

    Ha – love it!! Daddy wears lace too, nuthin wrong with that! :)
    .-= kaylen´s last blog ..How to Cut a Cat’s Nails =-.

  5. Nic #

    My friend’s son walked into the washroom on her and proceeded to inform her that she had “jam in there”. (On her pad.)

  6. Nic #

    Kathleen that is hilarious. I’m now going to bed and I know I’ll be sputtering and giggling making it difficult to fall asleep. What a nice way to go.

  7. 7

    Oh. My. Gawd. That was freakin’ hilarious… I now know why Mama Needs a Cosmo…… what I have to look forward to from Kiera in 5.7 years?? ( :
    .-= Carol´s last blog ..Three Weeks Already????? =-.

  8. 8

    Ha, kids say the darndest things.
    .-= Marvin´s last blog ..The TV is staying off tonight =-.


  1. Mama Needs a Cosmo! 07 10 09

Your Comment

CommentLuv badge