“Distracted Pooping”: Cell Phones in the Bathroom

Aahh, yes. It’s time for “’What Into the Hell’” Wednesday!

In yesterday’s post, there was a small blurb about distracted driving. Today, I’ve decided to post about “distracted pooping.”

(For those of you with weak constitutions, consider yourselves warned.)

There are only a few activities left in my world that I consider sacred, and using the ladies room at my office—where I can shut the stall door without worry of being interrupted by my preschooler—is one of them.

I don’t think I’m asking for a lot here. Who can argue with wanting some relative peace and quiet where I can do my business and go on about my day?

And for the most part, my office restroom (a lovely three-stall facility shared with four other suites on our floor) is usually low-key. Yesterday afternoon, however, my peace and quiet was interrupted when someone blew in the door while talking on her cell phone.

What made matters worse was the fact that the person on the other end of the phone was talking so loudly that I could hear—with relative ease—everything he was saying. (Or yelling, really, because they were in the middle of an argument.)

“How come you have to act like this every time I go out with Felicia?,” the woman in the stall next to me asked.

“You lied to me. You told me that you were going to dinner with your sister.”

“I lied to you because you act all weird whenever I go out. I like to go out with my friends without you once in a while.”

“I don’t act ‘all weird’ . . .”

[Enter Cosmo Mom, thoroughly displeased with the woman’s disregard for common decency.]

I gave a long loud sigh, and, making sure she could hear me, I said:

“Are you kidding me with this?”

She interrupted her boyfriend and said, “Hang on, I’m in the bathroom.”

I thought she was going to engage me, because I knew for certain that she’d heard me. Instead, she said, “I thought someone said something to me.”

“You’re in the bathroom?” he asked.


And since they were able to resume their conversation before I could say anything else, and because I was thoroughly pissed (no pun intended) at this point, I decided to make some noise. [Here comes the nasty . . . ]

First of all, I ripped open the sanitary napkin I had in my pocket, making a loud “zipper” noise. Then I slammed the lid of the metal container hanging on the stall’s wall after I threw the old pad away. Twice. Then I flushed the toilet while crinkling the toilet lid liners. Twice.

Still, they kept talking.

But, before I could do or say anything else, she said, “Hang on again,” after which she put the phone on the floor, wiped, flushed, picked the phone back up, and said, while pulling up her pants and leaving the stall, “I just don’t understand why you don’t trust me . . . ”

I can tell her why I don’t trust her! She just took her cell phone into the bathroom, carried on what should have been a very private argument with her boyfriend, put the phone on the bathroom floor, wiped her nether regions, put that same phone back up to her ear and face, and walked out the door without washing her hands!!


*Sigh.* At least I didn’t knock the phone out of her hand with my purse . . . can I consider that an improvement in behavior?

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01 2008

11 Comments Add Yours ↓

The upper is the most recent comment

  1. Corrina #

    That is just nasty. What is WRONG with people?

  2. Shiphire #

    Once again it is a nice to read LoL story. There are peoples just like this: Irrational~


  3. Gypsy at Heart #

    I know exactly what you mean about nothing being sacrosanct anymore. I echo Corrina’s sentiments. What is wrong with people?

  4. Robert #

    A story like this can do wonders for that “Feminine Mystique!” Hopefully a lot of young men will stumble into this story!


  5. 5

    Oh! Oh! Oh! NO! No, she di’n't!

    God, that’s so gross.

    I have to admit to one (1) phone conversation held during a bathroom break. But it was at home, I was talking to my mom, I didn’t want to interrupt her, and I REALLY had to pee. I went, and even asked her, “Can you hear that?” She said, “What?” And I said, “Nothing!”

    Even in the privacy of my home it felt weird. I’d never do that in public, and people who do are weirdos.

    I love “What into the hell”! Where did that come from?

    JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..I Got Torn Apart so you don’t have to

  6. NIc #


    Your attempts to put her in the moment were too funny!

    Some people are too much!

  7. 7

    Ewwww! I would have told her “are you going to sanitize that phone or burn it?” Gross. Some people are just gross.

  8. San #

    ROFL!!! This was toooooo funny! She is oblivious! Too gross. When I’m in the ladies and my phone rings I mute the ringer and REFUSE to answer it… NO MATTER WHO.

  9. 9

    This is too funny! I cannot believe the lady had the conversation in the bathroom. Then I totally cannot believe she put it on the floor. Ugh! I love how you made a lot of noise. Too bad she did not get the point.

  10. Whitney #

    It’s one thing to have an argument on the cell phone while on the toilet, no harm in that. No, I’d rather not hear it, but ya know. But… sitting your cell phone on the floor of a bathroom (public, at that) and putting it back to your ear… gross.

  11. Annette #

    When this happened to me….I flushed every 15 seconds until she left in a huff (also no handwashing)


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