Archive for the ‘Imagery’Category

And on the 1,103rd Day, He Made Her Cut the Boy’s Hair

I’ve always wanted a little boy with long hair.

Growing up and all the way into my adult years, I’ve been a “rocker chick.” I liked my dudes to have longer hair than me. (Until I met the LOML, of course.)

And during those years, I envisioned having a little boy with super cool long hair and a leather jacket and a name like “Dominic” or “Thaddeus.”

I could not have been happier after having Jake — he actually CAME OUT OF THE WOMB WITH LONG HAIR. It was like the metal gods smiled down upon me and said, “Ye shall possess a first-born son with locks that Metallica themselves would be jealous of.”

But then the LOML intervened and Jake got his first haircut at 5 months old. Because the poor kid had hair so long that we had to pin it up “samurai style” to keep it out of his eyes and mouth. It’s been short ever since. And sometimes the LOML goes so far as to shave it all off at the beginning of summer, which irritates the crap out of me because it makes Jake look like “Vern” from Stand By Me.

Then along came Benny. WHO WAS BORN BALD.

It took him three years to get his trademark hair — the hair everyone likens to that of Dolly Madison.

The LOML has been threatening to get his hair cut since Christmas. Then in April, I decided that I thought I’d be ready to go through with it by Benny’s third birthday.

Which came and went with no scissors in sight. I thought I was home free.

Until this past weekend, when the LOML called me on my bet, loaded the car with my camera gear, and said, “Let’s go.”

There were a few moments before we even went in where I thought I might cry or vomit or grab Ben and make a run for it.

But I acquiesced, grabbed my rig, and started to shoot. It was the only thing that kept me from having an out of body experience.

Below is the before picture:


Benny Gets a Haircut

Benny, ROCKING the Dolly Madison look and waiting patiently for his turn in the chair.


The noise from the clippers drew Benny’s attention to his older brother. Who HATES getting his hair cut.

Benny Waits to Get His Hair Cut

Benny looks on as his older brother is subjected to the clipper treatment.


I probably should have promised him something cool, but all he got after he was done was a root beer sucker.

Jake Gets the Clipper Treatment

Seriously. Do I *REALLY* need a caption here?


Five minutes later, Benny would get in the chair.

Benny in the chair . . .

I love this image. He sat down in that chair as if we had said, "We'll buy you some ice cream if you sit still." Oh, wait . . .


I have a photo of the “First Cut,” but I couldn’t bring myself to post it. Here’s what became of the first cut:

Baby hairs . . .

Remnants of the "First Cut."


And finally, the “After” pictures:

Jake's "After Picture"

This image makes Jake appear to be TWELVE YEARS OLD. Next week kids will start asking him to buy their beer.


Benny's "After Picture"

Here's the 'Zilla with his new 'do. His shoulder action reminds me of Schroeder from "Peanuts."


He seems to think that, now that his hair is shorter, he can run faster. If I had made that argument before going in, the LOML probably would have kept his hair long.


08 2010

It Was Kinda Like ‘Greek Wedding,’ Only More Mexican. With Chinese Food.

The date, everybody, was March 30, 2010.

It was five days before Easter, and the emails began firing.

“Mom’s worried about the weather. Would you guys be okay with postponing ’til next Sunday?”

And I was all, “Hell YEAH let’s do it!” because that meant one less trip on the Lancaster Easter Sunday Tour with the kids.

Then all of the sudden, there was this:

“Let’s have Chinese Food like we did for Dad’s birthday.”

And there was a collective, “Huh?,” followed by a round of “whatever is easiest for Grandma” and “who’s bringing what?”

Chinese Easter Cake

My niece, who works at a supermarket bakery, made this cake for us after finding out we were having Chinese food for Easter dinner.

All in all, it took about 6,479 emails to finalize the plans. Easter Sunday fun and fodder would in fact NOT be on Easter Sunday but would be a week later so the weather could get nicer and everyone would be bringing Chinese Food.

Then the real Easter Sunday came, and the weather really wasn’t all that bad until late in the day. Oh well. Me and the boys had ham and stuffing and bread rolls and all of what Benny would call “Big Easter Bites.” It was the perfect end to the perfect weekend.

Then Mother Nature decided she wanted to pee all over our plans.

The date, everybody, was April 8, 2010.

It was three days before “Chinese Easter Sunday” (or “Gung Hay Fat Bunny,” or “Easter Egg Foo Young Day,” depending on who you talked to), and the weather people were talking storms again.

“Mom’s worried about the weather . . . shall we postpone again? Or how about having it on Saturday instead?”

And I was all, “Oh, HELL no. It didn’t even rain all that bad LAST WEEKEND. And Saturday is out because the LOML and I are going out for our anniversary and that starts at 4:30pm when we drop the boys off at his mom’s house. I love you all, but I’m not missing that deadline. Mama needs a break from the kids. Let’s keep Chinese Easter for this Sunday.”

Everyone else pretty much agreed and the plans were set. It only took 2,136 emails to get that together.

Then came Chinese Easter Sunday Eve.

“Kathy . . . I’m worried about the rain . . .”

“Oh, mom! It won’t be that bad! The rain probably won’t start until after two. We’ll be fine. Everything’s gonna be fiiiine.”

And there it was. I promised my mom good weather and I’m not even certified by the American Meteorologists Society to make that call.

Then, Saturday night after we got home from our date, the LOML and I watched the news.

“This storm system is going to bring a significant amount of rain. And wind gusts of up to 25 miles per hour . . . starting around 10am on Sunday . . .”

Well, they were WRONG.

It rained at Noon. Hard. ALL DAY LONG.

But that’s okay. It made for quite the scene in my mom’s 974 square foot house. This brought “party in the old lady’s house that was a shoe” to a whole new level.

"Can we come out now? Can we? Can we come out? NOW?"

Remember in the Charlie Brown cartoons, how the kids would descend upon the food and punch table at the dances and there would be this temporary cloud of dust and a few seconds later the tables would be empty and even the punch bowl would be gone? Yep. It was JUST LIKE THAT.

There were the grown-ups (about 30 of us), the kids (what felt like 627, and DON’T YOU DARE GET WATER ON ONE for fear of them multiplying), and then the Chinese Food. It made for quite the explosion of screaming, crying, and tantrum-throwing. And that was just the guys watching the Laker game.

Then there was, of course, wine. My mom said, “Start drinking now because it’s going to get ugly soon.” Meaning that once all of the kids showed up, they had no place to go but in the next room and ALL HELL WAS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE because it was raining AND THE KIDS HAD NO PLACE TO GO BUT IN THE NEXT ROOM and we didn’t want them to play in the rain because they MULTIPLY LIKE GREMLINS WHEN THEY GET WET. And it was LOUD. Kinda like having a Chuck E. Cheese party in your house, only without Skee-ball and the crappy pizza and all of the random acts of violence.

The Umpteenth Empty Bottle of Wine, (c) 2010 Kathleen Lancaster Imagery All Rights Reserved

"You take one down, pass it around . . . something something bottles of wine on the wall . . ."

Of course, when you add beer and other liquor to the mix, you get pictures like the one below.

Dad's Oldest Grandsons (and a couple-a idiots), (c) 2010 Kathleen Lancaster Imagery All Rights Reserved

I said, "Let's get a picture of Dad with his oldest grandsons," and this is what I got. A picture of Dad and his oldest grandsons. Notice, though, that grandson #1 (left) has photo-crashers growing from his armits. (My brothers Steve and Tom.)

All in all, it was an awesome day, even with all the screaming and crying. I got some fantastic pictures (like the one below), and was able to spend Chinese Easter Sunday with just about all of my family.

Xavier Waits for the Rain to Stop, (c) 2010 Kathleen Lancaster Imagery All Rights Reserved DO NOT COPY

I love LOVE this image. One of two favorites of the day. This is my nephew Xavier, and he's waiting for the rain to stop so he can hunt Easter eggs. Don't you just WANT TO SQUEEZE HIS CHEEKS?!

So after we got into the truck, the LOML was all, “Are you guys tired?”, and they were all, “NOOOO!”, and then this is what they looked like before we reached the end of the block:

Sleepy Boys, (c) 2010 Kathleen Lancaster Imagery All Rights Reserved DO NOT COPY

Oh, STOP IT. They may look cute in this picture but you didn't see them after I told them it was time to take a bath.


04 2010

Benzilla, The Omen


This was one of the first pictures I took using my new rig. I knew as soon as I snapped it that I had captured something “special.”

What “kind” of special is still a mystery to me. When I first viewed the image, I immediately thought of Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Meyers – “So I Married An Axe Murderer) saying, “Ee-vil. Like the fru-its of the dev-il. EEE-vil.” Seriously. Because no toddler I’ve ever known can raise their left eyebrow like that.

Then I thought of Damien.

Then I realized that Ben really isn’t *as* evil as Damien (yet). No one in our family has flung themselves out of a 2nd story window to please him, nor does he have the ability to control vicious rottweilers. (Not that we’re aware of, anyway.)

But he’s got that look.

Most of the time, Benny is what we like to call, “Dinner and a show.” Pure entertainment. Until he pulls down our curtains, rod and all. Or whacks a sleeping Jake in the head with a light sabre. Or throws my iPod in the toilet to see if it will flush.


10 2009

The Day My Husband Went to Bed With a Blogger and Woke Up With a Photographer

Holy CRAP it’s been a while since I’ve been around these parts! The reasons behind my unexpected hiatus are fantastical, though. So no worries there – thank you to all those who checked in on me (HI NIC!!)

A lot has happened in the past few weeks: Jake’s now in the first grade. Benny hasn’t burned anything down (yet). And the LOML bought me this for my birthday:

I'm so in love with this thing that I'd dry hump it if it had legs. No joke.

I'm so in love with this camera that I'd dry hump it if it had legs. No joke.

I’ve always been jealous of these bloggers’ photos. And this one’s. And this one’s too. (Oh, and we can’t forget this one either.) Because I always knew that they had what I would refer to as “awesome rigs.” Real DSLR’s – not those little point and shoot deals that I’ve had to live with up until now. You know what I’m talking about – the cheapie WalMart cameras that have a flash that make anyone in your pictures look like Uncle Fester because they’re so washed out.

(Not that it’s a BAD thing to have a point-and-shoot. I’ve just always known in my heart that I was meant to wrap my hands around $1,200 worth of photo equipment that was mine. All mine. And paid for with CASH.)

Now, thanks to the LOML, I’m able to take photos like this:


And this:


And this:


No red eye. No blurriness. No missed action shots. Just totally-awesome-radical-fresh images that make me feel like Ansel Adams. (I said “feel” like Ansel Adams. I’ve got a long way before I’m even good enough to be the person who cleans up after the guy who carries Ansel’s equipment.)


10 2009